Sitting at home, reminiscing my brother’s great work and poetry and how much he loved to write, he would wake in the middle of the night, with a phrase or thought and placing it together the next day. Like sewing stitches of words, Staying hours and days placing haikus and finding the perfect rhythm, poetry was my brother’s playground and he knew it well.
His love for the arts, Shakespear, accolards, Derek Walcot, Myer Angelou, all the greats whom he emulated, the way he spoke of their work in such great admiration.
I don’t believe he knew just how much I admired him and wanted to write a quarter of how great he wrote, he inspired the very passion out of me. I can humbly admit he was my biggest fan and I pursued writing because he made it sound like a world of adventure and indeed it is. I remembered when I was about ten years old, I wrote stories just so he could read it over and over and give his feedback and he would always be impressed and would boast that there was something about my writing that just stood out. His words of encouragement were so valuable because they came from someone whom I considered a pro at the art of writing.
I followed the path of writing because he led the way, he decked the walls of literacy with words that popped out at you and ignited your imagination, his words and works created a world I was born in but didn’t yet discover, and I am glad he embarked on the path.
When I lost my brother during Tropical Storm Ericka in 2016,I felt that the artistic part of me sort of died too, with him being gone I felt no one was left to guide or inspire me. I believe one of his purposes was to help me to crawl, maybe stand and now it’s up to me to walk. No one can get me to the other side but me.
When I won the Outstanding Youth in Literary Arts award in 2016 I felt he deserved that, it was all him and I did dedicate it to his humble heart and amazing existence.
My brother David was my muse and as he’s gone I realize that he can’t be replaced but I know he would want me to continue writing. I know his legacy is intended to live on through me and I pray that I won’t disappoint and that as he did I will find inspiration through all things. I will not quit or keep making excuses; I will give fan to the flames which he started.
In his hand I became a pistel, cold, lucid, lethal and deadly, I was whatever he wanted me to be, I was a crayon being crushed in the art of love making, being brewed in his cup of tea, becoming empty as he poured all of me, in the process I lost my identity and became bitter, wounded, like a battered tree,
Misused and abused I lost my leaves in each passing season, every weather left me cold and tear drops were normal. The weakness between my legs made me miss his company, miss his scent as lay next to me, that tiny moment I felt wanted, and felt maybe he would change and love me.
Months turned to years and we are still fighting, arguing over spilled milk, because they reminded him of her breast, the scent reminds him of his mother, as he laid on her chest and instead of feeding him, she poisoned his childhood, told him he would be no good, and her bitterness has carved him into the man who doesn’t know how to treat a woman.
His actions molded by his past, trying to fight to be better but instead he becomes bitter and full of hate, me trying to relate but falling short, because I am used to being loved and in the end we are both left broken.
I hope I’m not too late in wishing my readers and fellow bloggers a Happy and prosperous New Year..I have been busy procrastinating to say the least. I will be honest with you,it has been a while since I’ve written and as usual a lot has happened since then. But my blog site has always been in my mind and heart and my thoughts are always on here thinking of my next,new post. I have not written in here but that doesn’t mean I have stopped writing,doodling in note pads,pieces of paper all over my house. Truly, I may have gotten lazy but I will never cease to write,I will forever love this gift of writing and will forever hope to inspire. So Happy 2018 and I hope the year started off well for you and that many of you are still at your New Years resolutions and wont give up on them by next month and more than that kudos to those who are just continuing on the projects they started last year and bringing them to fruition or higher heights.
Last year My country experienced a category 5 Hurricane,Hurricane Maria,one which took many lives and homes,hopefully this time I didn’t suffer such a loss but it was like dejai vous since I’ve already gone through similar catastrophe,one that forced me to vacate my home in the summer of 2016. My place of residence has been different for almost three years now and without the presence of my brother home has been and felt different too.(That’s another blog). But yes my country Dominica,is currently under reconstruction,trying to stand after she was brought to her knees,the healing has been slow but steady. Many people are still without homes,jobs and still grieving loved ones.
Hence,one word that sums up my 2017 is Grateful, I am forever grateful for life,my family,my present home and for every blessed day and thing i have been given. For every moment we live and breathe is a blessing for tomorrow is not promised.
I do not know what 2018 holds but I know God holds my 2018 and His word says don’t worry about tomorrow because He is in control.
So, I did not write down many resolutions per say but I do desire to acquire greater discipline in finishing things I start,stop living in the past,stop comparing my journey/life with others,be focused and avoid distractions. I hope we as writers/bloggers write and blog more this year and truly inspire others to be their best selves and live their best lives. From one blogger to another,let’s blog shall we?
Have you guys heard of the military diet? It’s this THREE day diet plan where you practically starve yourself for three days and you’re suppose to lose ten pounds in that one week. I know it sounds crazy but when you feel too tired to work out and green teas have not been working and you’re desperate to shed those extra pounds and I mean desperate you do about almost anything.
Well, I first heard about the plan from a co worker of mine and she was telling me how it entails of eating bout( 5 )five crackers, one slice of bread, coffee with no sugar and some other light weight stuff. She said it was working for her and her stomach had gotten flat, she did look a bit smaller in my eyes so I did decide to try it out.
The first time I tried it out was due to the encouragements of a co worker, she said it worked for some people and just like me was she was desperate, day ones breakfast consists of half a grapefruit, one slice bread with peanut butter, one boil egg and coffee with no sugar, as tasteless as it was I did it, and there were days I cheated and ate other things and in one week I lost about 5 bounds. My boyfriend told me that was water weight and I hadn’t really lost anything. Regardless it was something to me and as much as I was glad about tha,t those three days were miserable. I was weak, fatigue,my sugar went too low and I almost blacked out.
Not too long after I heard my co worker fainted and she went on sick leave for weeks, omg did we almost kill ourselves over some get slim quick nonsense. I don’t care if I had lost the weight if I had followed evrthing but its obvious the body isn’t getting sufficient nutrients from that diet,to me it seems hazardous.
So from my experience it appears you may lose the weight but its through starvation and you could end up in the hospital so I wouldn’t recommend this for anyone.
I am still on my weight loss journey and that was a learning experience, today im looking at healthier, smarter and tastier choices on loosing weight. Stay tuned with my next post to see the next diet plan I tried.
Two years now since I’ve been natural and its been a bitter sweet experience. I did the big chop and I texturized my hair because I thought it would be more manageable.
I didn’t quite embrace my natural hair at first,I would texturize it because it was so short and I didn’t know how to handle it.
I decided to go back natural because I was fed up of the relaxers who did more harm than good. My hair was breaking badly,the color had changed from black to brown and I couldn’t wet my hair as freely as I wished without me looking like a stray cat. I wanted freedom and relaxing my hair every three months was also costly. Moreover I heard that relaxers are toxic and damage your scalp,I believed so because I was a victim of having several scalp burns and oozing painful sores after I tried economizing and let my sister do my hair. Dollars were saved but my scalp wasn’t.
My cousin gave me my first relaxer just before attending high school since I wouldn’t have time to comb my naturally thick hair in the mornings before school,relaxers made it easier.
I recall my hair reaching my back the first day I did my hair,was so thick and long,I felt amazing. I flipped that hair and I felt like magic. With years my hair got damaged and broke horribly and my hair got short at the fronts. I started not liking my hair but still relaxed it because it was what I had become accustomed to. I hated how I got roots fast every time I wet or washed my hair. Sea and river baths became less enjoyable since I had my hair to worth about after. Every night we were required to set it in rollers so it could curl the next day,no doubt there were good hairstyle days but my hair always got roots fast and was still breaking.
Endured damaged hair for years and I decided to dye my hair on my birthday,bleach it actually. Oh my I looked so gorgeous with blonde curls however up keeping it was tedious as I couldn’t wet it as I pleased. So I got fed up and was motivated to go natural because almost all those around me was becoming hair conscious and natural was the new trend. I was reluctant at first but went all the way in Feb 2015.
The first year was hard and at times I wanted to give up as it was so short and couldn’t style as I wanted. I so desired to have my hair in one,up in a messy bun but I had to endure the afro season and it was tough.
I thank God for my best friend who also joined the natural journey and she assisted me greatly with product usage. I honestly did not do proper research before embarking on this journey. I didn’t know how to care for my hair using modernised and more fulfilling products that suited my hair texture. She told me about sulphate free shampoos,leave in conditioners and deep conditioners.
It was a whole new world and I became excited about my journey since i began experimenting with new products. Before that I felt stuck in a rut and texturized my hair as I didn’t like the texture. My hair also was still breaking, I was upset about that since that was one of the reasons why I went natural in the first place to avoid breakage. My bestie rescued me again and hooked me up with some hair mayonnaise that elimated breakage.
So doing your research before you return natural is very important. Research your texture and discover what works for your type of hair. It took some trials with different products to decide what I liked best. I decided I wanted products that enhanced my natural curls and encouraged growth so I use Olive oil deep conditioner.
My hair texture has changed significantly from when I was a kid. As a child I had very course,thick short difficult hair. That was why I texturized my hair to make it more manageable,but I wasn’t embracing my natut hair,there was still chemicals added in my hair. I must say my encouragement to go all the way natural came from the huge wave of naturals posting embracing their natural hair all over social media hashtag team natural bombarded me and I seemed to be missing out.
I got so motivated that I followed these natural hair queens and the products they used and started experimenting some more. I got to more growth but the ends were still texturized, one day after washing my hair I got so frustrated with those straight ends that I took a scissors and began chopping the straight ends. I wanted to be fully natural.
So with patience I got all the texturized ends out and I was all natural. My hair had to undergo me being very patient and loving my hair. I developed a hair regimen,I got the products and my hair has gotten curlier and longer.
The journey has been bittersweet, ups and downs but the longer I stick it out the more I see my hair transforming to the curly long hair I desire. The key is patience,self love, love the crap out of your hair and don’t be afraid to experiment different hairstyles and products.
Natural hair journey may not be for everyone,but it’s a personal decision I made for personal reasons which I stated and its doing what works best for you and loving yourself no matter what.
My mind some say it’s a maze, take time to gaze and peer a little deeper you may just be amazed. My place of solace,from a draconian world. My place to calm emotional storms and grow mentally. My escape to memories long lost, may have even gathered moss; yet like a child I retreat to a theatre of mix emotions anger, sadness and joy. My black hole where I conceal pampered wishes of secret sentiments, that will remain in the Rein’s of my mind because every man requires an empress in his life even if they are just a friend. It’s all said best in the mind where nothing at all is said this sweet surrender when the eyes are closed and u can feel your own heartbeat.
It’s a lazy Sunday and it has been hot all week,today however it’s a bit overcast and I’m just laying in bed. The local radio station plays in the back ground,as my dad snores in the hammock,waving off mosquitoes. The Caribbean weather is so unpredictable and moody,it’s like mother nature is on her period.Hot and sunny one second scattered showers the next.
I’m laying here thinking if what bikini I’ll get for the Summer and the beaches and rivers I’d like to visit. Have you ever made plans and when the time comes for them to be executed you change your mind. Why do we humans do that tho,I love making plans,I’m always writing goals down.
I would like to believe I execute mostly all of them,but what about those I don’t. What about those big, life changing goals,the ones that would financially advance us why do we sometimes put them off?
I guess feelings change,we lose people who could have helped us,we don’t have the money and so many reasons why we didn’t become that astronaut.
I bet in years to come we’re gonna wish we did take that trip to the moon or just that trip around the corner to meet that new neighbor.
I challenge us,me included to stop putting things off out of fear,out of fear of leaving our comfort zones,let’s try at least to burst through the box of comfort and live a lil more.
Hope you’re enjoying your weekend #caribbean blogger#girlswhoblog
So,I’m here sitting at church with all these accolades being given to moms and I can’t help but miss my mom. It’s been six years since my mom’s passing and it feels like yesterday. I lost my mom to cancer and just thinking about those last days,moments in the hospital is heart wrenching.
I’d never been to a hospital,or sat at the wards before,and just sitting by her bed side holding her frail hands with all the tubes in them,you just feel so helpless. The worst part about seeing someone you love sick is the feeling that you can’t do anything to ease their pain. Those were one of the worst moments of my life and the only way I could deal was numb my feelings. That was way worst since I spent lots of time crying out the tears I’d kept back for so long. Every memory with her was so precious,I’m the last so you know I was spoilt and she was my go to person.
My mom and I would stay up late watching my favorite movies and she made jokes just to make me laugh,she said she loved my laugh and she also loved movies. Her favorite singers were Elvis Presley and Jim Reeves,her actors were Shawn Cornrey and Charles Brunson I believe she had an eye for classical studs lol. My mom had the kindest heart,always giving,sharing never encouraged gossip. I believe I’m like her in many ways,a devoted and loving wife and mother.
My mom was my human sized teddy bear,was always there to give me a hug and kiss when I needed it and when I needed to hear those three words free from lies and lust but full of truth,warmth,unconditional she was that person. No love can compare to that of a mother’s, none can replace it.
I end encouraging you to love your mother,your queen because she loves you in her own way and form. Appreciate her,hug and tell her how much you love her she needs to know it and feel it.
So If I’m not too late,Happy Mother’s day to all you mother’s in bloggerland.
Never leave with regrets since we got one life to live,and we just don’t know when it will be our last day on this earth. The longer I dwell on this planet the more I realize we experience loss,especially loss of a love one and that is one of the deepest pain I’ve felt. The worst part is there is no remedy for the loss of a love one except the old phrase,time heals all wounds but does it.
No level of detachment can prepare you for the stings of death. You just have to ask God to give you the strength and peace to make it through. So until you catch your last breath, celebrate those around you and live with a purpose. Stop worrying,as it solves nothing,stop frowning as tension and stress increases disease.
May we live to follow purpose,mission,destiny and reach out to those who act like they don’t need it. Let’s live with no regrets and love deeply.