Touched by hands that were sweaty, smelly, hands I didn’t want come near me,
Hands that were harden and bruised from the tools he handled earlier on today in the backyard,
He worked for my dad, he was a cousin, a brother, a friend, not a stranger that snuck in, but we handed him the keys, and he unlocked a part of me that made him an intruder to my soul,
I was no longer whole, he took pieces of me and tore me apart like a raged doll, he tore me limb from limb and left me possessed with a hatred, bitterness and discomfort from myself,
Was pulled down from my polished shelf, brought to the ground, trampled upon and left there,
Tears to my cheeks as I didn’t understand the feelings that rolled over me, like a heavy ,cloak nothing seemed to protect me, My experience shattered how I view sex and I became a victim to the cruelty of an untamed human.
Forgiveness felt as a mask I was forced to wear, as I wanted to rip it off, let everyone see my hurts and tears, let the world mourn, cry and feel every ounce of my betrayal.
For years I walked liked a sepulcher of bones of dark secrets, and no matter how I tried at first I couldn’t move pass it,
How and why did this happen to me, I couldn’t figure out how God was going to heal me,
Questions without answers, knocking on doors that seemed sealed, and screaming at ears that seemed shut, I went through all sorts of emotions until one day slowly I began to lose my grip on something that was hurting me more than it was hurting him,
God touched my heart and made me at ease, and I learnt to accept what I couldn’t change
I learnt to forgive myself and I forgave him, though nothing wasn’t the same,
God was planning to use my pain to show how ugly we are, and capable of His unconditional love,
And though we fail Him time and time again He forgives us,
And so I forgave and I accepted forgiveness