Come,just as you are!

Come just as you are

I see you, yes you in the crowd, with your head bowed,

You are exhausted, tired, and frustrated, 

You pretend all is well but every weekend you get wasted you,

You who are depressed, yes I know, I see those tears, yes, this isn’t your best,

I know, you when I say go, keeps saying no,

No, because you feel too much shame, no because you feel you’ve gone too far for Him to touch you, yes you! 

You who are tired of Religion, you are fed up of falling, too busy to hear him calling yea you,

You who feel you’re too young to be used, you who have been placed in the backseats and shelves, yea I am talking to you,

I love you and you are chosen,

Just like I chose David, Joseph at a young age,

Today your life is being rewritten, I’m turning a new page,

Moving you from the crowd to the stage,

There is no sin my blood cannot cleanse, no darkness where my light can’t reach,

Quit running and just surrender completely and listen,

I understand I’ve been through it, the hate, rejection, betrayal, temptations, and sweat,

There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for you, my child, 

You are mine, signed and sealed loved deeper than the deepest of oceans,

I have not forgotten you and I never will

All you got to do is say yes to my will

And come just as you are

 and rest.

Written by Laurna GUISTE

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Circumstances

Here I am,in this same place, finding myself doing the same things, trying to figure it all out.

Comparing myself with my nemesis

Repeating the cycles

God it hurts myself to hurt myself

So many times we know what needs to be done but we don’t do it,

We give advice that we don’t apply,

And we don’t learn from our mistakes,we believe the lies,

Many of us suffer from childhood traumas,

Things we never healed from,it affects how and who we love,

How we express our love

It defines us and we usually take it as an identity it’s who I am

Na it’s who you choose to be,

It’s the circumstances you’ve allowed to make you,define you so much that you don’t know who you are anymore,

You’ve never forgiven yourself for what you had no control over,you’ve held on to the pain in hopes that it kills them, but it’s only slowly killing you,

Your nightmares are constantly your reality,

You are gleaning unto what you know but not what’s always right,

Burned by circumstance hurt by chance,

Longing to learn,to break free, finally but you don’t know how.

Written by

Laurna

In the stillness

When we’re sleeping,in our deepest dreams He will knock,

and knock but who will answer?

When we’re playing,standing for our rights, He’ll pass through the crowd,come like a thief in the night, but will we see him?

No amount of water could wash us, only by fire will we be cleansed this time

Without warning He will appear,while we’re unaware,without any former planning he will return to call us home

Are you ready for the Lord’s return?

Are you?

Written by

Laurna Guiste

This time

This time she’s not stressed about a call or text back,

She’s not worried about her insecurities holding her back from expressing what she really feels,

This time she’s smiling for no reason, her blood pressure is down, and she got no headaches or heartbreaks,

She’s not crying in the shower, going to work angry and lying to her coworkers about her so called ” happy relationship.

It’s true, you never know how bad you had it until you feel how good it can be.

She hated who she had slowly become way back when, when she couldn’t yet understand how someone who’s full of games play her, she played herself,

Her legs became tired of running and facing herself and being honest and real about her situationship

Instead, she had made it something she imagined and always daydreamed of having…true love.

This time she’s genuinely happy and at ease not worried about her person because they are open, honest and do what they say they are going to do,

This time She’s found what was kept from her ,what felt like a punishment for being good she is given loads of it,shit

this feels good,the type of good that doesnt wear off after you’ve climaxed,the type that last.

This time she’s free to be herself comfortably without fear or judgment or resentment.

Just growth in all aspects, the type that’s not just pillow talked about but actually executed.

Grown people ish this time.

She’s comfortable yet she feels adored in her own skin, no pretense everything is enough, she is enough and always has been..

This time is the first time she’s been in love.

Written by

L.G

The village girl,Lashayna

Lashayna came from a tribe that was considered a dishonor to not make children for your husband.Ever since she was a little girl her parents groomed her for the man that would one day pay her bride price. The highest bidder would wife her,and depends on how rich he is he would have several wives.

Lashayna always despised that tradition and never felt she fit in. Other than having rebellious ways that made her climb trees and fight the village boys for fun the last thing she wanted was a husband she didn’t love. Lashayna was also born with a gift she was yet to understand.

It was a cold, night when Lashayna had a horrible dream that her father was going to die and the next day he did, he fell on his way home and suffered a heart attack just like how she saw it. Was it a weird coincidence? The news saddened the entire village and as much as she disliked his ways it brought a heaviness in her spirit.

Twin 🔥

The mstery that holds me and makes me weak,

He doesn’t know how I surrender to his stare as he holds it, he holds me.

Scares me a little but at the same time draws me in,

A darkness,a light,a seduction, a story

A pain,the madness

A sexiness,a realness that unclothes all lies,exposes your weakness and some what makes you comfortable,

A gift waiting to be open,so much potential,

A maze waiting to be followed, I am lost for words yet he articulates every word my body says.

My moon in his chart,a ready set fire,exploding in a million galaxies in this life and beyond.

Written by

L G

Sick leave

I’m lying here,looking up at a white ceiling,

My feet are cold beneath this blanket,

Silence

The kids are at school, parents are at work,

I’m lying here

Nothing to do but everything to feel

Funny how when you’re at work you wish you were home,

But now that I’m home I actually miss work, I miss the outdoors, the sun gosh I miss the sun,

Though it’s a complete nuisance and annoyance when I’m up and about but today I miss it

I’m thinking of things to do then again I’m required to rest,

But honestly I’m restless my mind is racing,

I can’t be lazy lying in bed makes me sick

But it’s what the doctors recommend

Oh boi

Help!

Written by

L Guiste

The rupture

Who was this person standing over me,shaking me by the shoulders. It took me a while to separate dream from reality and decipher the person starring at me,the person shaking me was my father I had fainted.

On November 22nd I experienced the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in the area of my left ovary, my life seemed out of my control and I was at the mercy of my health provider.

I awoke that morning with premenstrual like pains in my lower abdomen and thought little of it as my period was due any day now. I made my way to the downstairs of my home and started preparing my lunch to head to work. I went to use the washroom and I recall the pain intensifying.Before-long I was curled up in a ball on my bed crying like a baby and wanting the pain to stop.I felt nauseous and started throwing up the little breakfast that I had managed to eat and that’s all I recall.

I mustered the strength to see my gynecologist that morning a trip that I never anticipated, me a woman who avoided a pap smear was willing to strip down naked and get a vaginal scan. Pain has a way of overshadowing all our other emotions even that of embarrassment. The procedure was of-course painful and I was told that the pain could be the result of a ruptured ovarian cyst.

A ruptured cyst that bursts open (ruptures) can cause severe pain and bleeding inside the pelvis. The larger the cyst, the greater the risk of rupture.

I was given some pain killers, was told to monitor it and sent home to rest. The meds worked only a few hours, I soon became restless and was in pain again. I called my doctor about 5pm and told him what was happening he informed me that I should continue monitoring and take another pain killer,if not I should go to the hospital to have an emergency surgery done.

I had taken two pain killers within a short span of time and knew I had to go in,I was rushed to the health center and had to explain everything over again by the time I ended speaking the pain killers had kicked in and I had no signs of distress so was asked to go home and monitor yet again. My family was reassuring me that I shouldn’t panic and that I should wait for the painkillers to kick in.

So I went home and felt ok, went to bed but woke up feeling restless and my stomach was upside down. I went to my living room and tried to sit still but I could not,the pain was coming back.I had no doubts that I had to go in,something was definitely wrong.

My sister and I rushed to the ER that Wednesday morning and I was dedicated a nursing student to be with me and this turned out to be bittersweet. Sweet in the sense she stayed with me all through ,assisting me and ensured I get all attention I needed, bitter in the fact she indeed was a student in training and needed guidance in some areas such as sticking a needle into one of my veins to put me on drips and to draw blood that was a horrible and painful experience as she did it twice and did not do it right. Thankfully the doctor/ward gynecologist came in and got it on the third try.

As if my day wasn’t going bad enough I felt like a Lab rat,’

I also had to do more scans,more vaginal ones by a male radiologists by this time I might have just made a child,everything was seen and I didn’t have much of a choice since getting better was the ultimate goal.

I was brought into a back room where the doctor and nurses sat me down to report their findings, my mind raced as I tried calming my nerves and not think of anything negative.

They told me I had a ruptured ovarian cysts and that I’m going to be monitored if the pain worsens I am going to have to operate.I was then admitted into a ward on a wheelchair and was going to spend the night,waw I’m in shock, my very first time being admitted.

Life really comes at you unexpectedly and we really do not know what lies ahead. My family,friends,fiance rallied around me with unwavering support and prayers and assured me that it was going to be ok. I took my last painkiller about minutes to 12pm and it was after 5pm and thankfully I felt no pain.

My family and fiance eventually left to head home and I was left alone alongside two other ladies with my drips hanging beside me.I was not allowed to eat until I was given the clear that I would not operate. I did not sleep that night,the lights were bright,the room was cold and nurses kept checking your vitals every two hours. About after 12am I felt a few jabs of pain in my abdominal but thankfully it did not last.

The morning came swiftly and thankfully I felt no pain,the nurses came in checked my vitals and it was good.I waited on the gynecologists to check me so they could decide if I was being released or still operating. About three gynecologist came , asked if I was in pain,checked my abdominal area,I felt no pain. The lady doctor with them told me that the cyst that ruptured caused pelvic inflammation so they were going to release me and place me on some antibiotics.

FINALLY, I COULD GO HOME, I was elated at the fact that I was going to be sent home after two days of ordeal,after feeling so helpless I got a relief and reminder that prayer still works, and that God is still the ultimate healer!

In closing I would like to encourage all my female readers to take a more active role towards their health ,do their pap smears and regular gynecologist checkups,don’t wait till you have immense pain like I did to take action,DO IT NOW!

Written by

L.G

The Swing

Giggles and forehead sweats,

Lunch bags filled with rejected snacks,

As we head towards the park,

The railings were a little eroded and the nails were shaky,But the kids gathered waiting for their turn,

Lessons of the day forgotten,

And Homework could wait,

Everyone wanted a go at the swing , beyond the gates

The Swing where we felt we could fly,

Where we once were low then we got high,

The Swing where we were filled with gleee

That swing our sweetest remedy.

Written by

Laurna Guiste

Main Dish with Sides continues

Nicole was applying her night cream,she had changed into her blue pajamas.The boys were still watching the game. She inhaled and exhaled,counted to 20,she did everything she thought of in that moment to keep her from losing it.

For the first time, she resisted texting Oscar,she didn’t know what to say,no,she honestly felt embarrassed that her conclusions were correct.She couldn’t call Mona nor Jocelyn they’d advice her to leave.Should she leave? She didn’t want to live with her obnoxious sister either,who she knew  would counsel her with I told you so lectures,she didn’t want any confrontations other than with Darius.She wanted to know why, why did he cheat.

She exited watsapp and put her phone down and reopened messenger on Darius’s iPad. She opened the messages with Alice and left it there so he would see she read it all.

She turnt off the lights and pretended to sleep.

About an hour later she awoke to hear the boys leaving,she had actually fallen asleep.She quickly composed herself as she heard him making his way to the bedroom.She turnt with her back facing the door  and closed her eyes.

He turned the lights on,yawned as he sat on the bed,he was on the iPad.

“Oh shit” he mumbled ,

She turned towards him and sat up,his face was flushed with embarrassment and annoyance.

“I can’t believe you’ve been lying to me this whole time”

“Yow what the hell were you doing on my iPad,huh?”

She stood up

“Why did you cheat on me Darius!”

He stood up as well

“why were you going through my things Nicole huh”?

“That’s not the point!”

“It is,you must learn to respect people’s things!”

“You left it open and I acted on a feeling, I’ve been having,Now why the hell did you cheat on me!”Nicole yelled getting angry.

He sighed as he looked up at the ceiling with his hands on his sides,

“It just happened ok, She’s been going through a real rough time and Ive Known her longer than I’ve known you and she wanted some help”

“what!?so you helped her by sleeping with her?”

“No Nicole listen,please sit down,”

Nicole began pacing the room,

“No! You don’t tell me what to do,your story makes no sense”

“No honestly,you gotta sit for me to tell you  how it all happened, please”

“Just bleeping tell me why you cheated Darius!

“Ok,you want the truth ,well you were stressing me out and I went over to her house once cause she was having family probs, and while we were talking she ended up kissing me”

Nicole eyes got watery

He continued,

“I was surprised and didn’t kiss back,but you and I ended up having space and one thing led to another”

“Darius really? You’ve been cheating on me even if we got back together!?”

“She got clingy and didn’t wanna stop,I wanted to end things but she threatened to kill herself, she’s had a history of self inflicting herself,”

“And what about those other people you’ve been chatting with,you slept with them too!?”

He shook his head

“Oh no,no,no,these are just chats, people I talk to when I’m bored, it’s nothing I swear!”

Nicole felt her heart burn and rise to her throat,her skin got hot and her mind raced.

Darius couldn’t look her in the face as he spoke,

“You liar!I need you to end all this or I’m leaving!”

“Didn’t you hear what I said, she’ll kill herself if I end things,do you want that on your conscience?”

Tears run down Nicole’s face,as she shook her head in frustration.He came over to wipe her tears,She brushed him off.

“Stop crying” he said lowly

“We’ll get through this,I’ll find a way to end things I promise” as he held her close.With her head on his chest,she felt every bit of anger rush through her.She pushed him away.

“I’m leaving “She cried as she stood up

“Don’t leave ok,” he took his phone and  left the room.

Nicole began packing her things and mumbling to herself as to every reason why she should leave.

He walked back into the room with a smirk on his face,

“No, I’m a wicked person”

he admitted shaking his head.

He got serious,”You know it’s real late,you can leave  if you want ,but  tomorrow, I’ll sleep on the couch,but I can’t let you leave this late”

Nicole froze as she looked at him in disgust as he took his sheet and pillow and went to sleep on the couch.She looked at the time on her phone and was after 1am ,she sighed. She sat on the bed as the tears poured,she cried at her situation,at her life and how did she get there.

She curled herself up on the bed using the clothes she had in her hands to cover herself as she cried herself to sleep.