Self confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement.
I have oftentimes doubted myself and because of that I sometimes lack confidence. This can be seen in my reluctance to try new things,especially in the field of Sports. Growing up I was often made fun of the way I caught a ball and my sportsmanship suffered because of it,hence after a while I stopped playing sports altogether.
Honestly I am sort of clumsy and I sometimes bounce into things,drop things and have had some embarrassing moments.
The ugly truth is I sometimes lack confidence and on bad days I have to fake it to make it through a normal day. I have to suck in my fear of large crowds and do what I got to do. I know this takes great bravery as I could choose to be a total recluse and not even dare go out to work.
There are some things that I do that helps me make it through a huge crown on really bad days,days when I wish I could melt through the crowd and no one would notice how fair I am,and how I squint my eyes in the sun and how many freckles that cover my face,though my boyfriend likes them,they attract admirers(most times the wrong types).
I have many quirky traits and over the years I have learnt to embrace the awkward,fair,freckled face,wildly wired beautiful soul I am and I have found someone who loves me too but there are days I still feel like crap and I find it hard to make eye contact.
So one of the things I do on really bad days is look down,stare at the streets like they are more interesting than the dozen of faces looking at me.I look at buildings,cars,my reflection in puddles anything to distract me from the attention of people.
On the days that I’m feeling great though I take advantage of this rare occasion and I look up,I notice people,I notice their faces,their freckles, I smile, I greet people,I notice things I love those days.
Today was one of those days,I walked the streets like I owned it, I made small talk and told the vendors keep the change. I looked up so high that I noticed the sky,I noticed people and I noticed that they were not looking at me as much as I thought. Many were just too busy going on their merry way properly trying to avoid the crowd like me on bad days.
My eyes was so stuck on people on the other side of the road,I watched up and down before crossing the streets and I confidently walked over and then I slipped over something. I looked back and saw I stepped on this huge,dead rat..Oh my God I panicked until other pedestrians looked back at me. I felt so disgusted and couldn’t get the image out of my head..I was so high that I didn’t bother looking down,felt so confident that I didn’t slow down to notice the mess before me I was too busy looking kool crossing the road with my confident bounce.
Moral of the story is no matter how high and confident you are,if you don’t bother looking down you will walk into a lot of garbage..know where you are headed but never forget where you came from.
Humility is the quality of having a modest or low view of one’s importance.
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