Tonight i choked on some tears as i rested against the kitchen counter trying to figure how I could mend myself and make me better,whilst hoping that he’d change his mind.
Change his mind bout leaving and stay with this broken woman. We had fallen many times before,and apologies were accumulating, his patience was loudly running thin,and I refused to acknowledge them. I was selfish in my pursuits for happiness, forcing my fairy tales down the throat of a mare man who I took for granted.
I always felt I was full of love and had so much to give,until I met someone who loved differently than me and it was hard to understand his love language and me not seeing it caused me to question that love.
I conclude that I’m hard to love and to show love in a way that isn’t copied,but is real and genuine coming from my vulnerable place,my heart,I failed at love because I didn’t trust myself enough to receive it,I was afraid and I held back,in holding back he released me.
Love without trust is empty,and I’m learning to fill that jar,so help me God,grain by grain,for I can’t stand being heartbroken again.