I wanted to be used by God but i didn’t realize how much i was still caged by my own selfish desires. Christ i said was my everything i quoted the Scriptures and encouraged others to lay their burdens at God’s feet and let God carry their baggage’s ,it was as though i spoke to everyone but myself as i took on my own to wrestle these demons. i couldn’t win this battle,i felt prey over and over and over again and overtime i thought the fight was won,my opponents would hit me with a secret blow. I honestly feel defeated in this race,as many of my brethren expected me to have been closer to the finish line or at least won a gold medal by now i mean i had the talks of a champion but where were my trophies to show for it.
Truth is i had been in this race long enough to fake it, i learnt the songs,testimonies,bible verses long enough to look like i was making it,but honestly i was struggling,i was fluctuating in my walk and I had no one to blame but myself.I must admit i have had some victories,won some fights,given my opponents some serious punches and marks but i forgot that this enemy wasn’t defeated my just me, i had God fighting for me and i forgot that this enemy never gives up,so the times he got me were the times i let my guard down,i compromised and i didn’t stay beneath God’s protection.
I have failed miserably, and i realize i cant continue like this as many people are looking up to me to win this battle, i cant quit because i owe myself this championship,i wont let the enemy win because God has been to good to me to let that happen.Christ didn’t save me to barely make it to heaven,he saved me because He loves me and has a purpose for me.so i stand amidst my pain and struggles,i stand amidst my trials and mistakes and i look to God to heal my wounds and make me whole.
I am going to make it, i am going to take the necessary steps,discipline,training to get in this match and fight,it is not going to be easy,it is going to be painful,but no pain no gain. So help me God I am going to FIGHT this good fight of faith with God as my coach and number one fan.