Month: June 2014

Release Me…

Release Me

Like a dragon i feel caged in these dreams,elements of great work brewing on my inside, emitting tiny puffs of smoke,aah i need to break free!There is  something longing to be unleashed from its cage,so i long to be loosed from these caged dreams and make  my mark on the pages of history.My wings have been too heavy at my sides it longs to feel the breeze of new territories.I wasn’t born  to live confined to these walls of formality the world waits to behold the mysteries that will be as i dare to make my way across this earth.

Written by

Laurna Guiste

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Finding myself

Finding myself
I was in my early twenties, full of dreams and aspirations had a good job, family and friends that loved me and financial freedom. I was engaged to be married and about to pursue further education abroad. I was excited! I had my life all planned out:get my degree, married by twenty-four (24) then start my family by twenty-five (25). It was like a fairy-tale and a dream come true.I had this do not care attitude towards other people. Many said I was compawason (stooch) and did not interact with others. Truth is I was proud of myself and had a good reputation. I did not think I was stooch.
However, I was an introvert, either inside, by my fiance (now ex), by my mom or friend. I hardly partied. I could care less about others opinion of me. I was in my own world; Work, Love, Family, School. Most of my time was centered on my then boyfriend and I sometimes hardly visited family. Anyways, things started to change when I went to study. During my first semester I was missing home a lot and missing my then fiance. We started experiencing communication problems. He and I hardly communicated. Our times did not correspond and he was not into social media. At that time, blackberry was trending and I figured we could make things work but,it got worse and I started to feel neglected. I started to question a lot of things. I went home for Christmas and then the issues still continued. When things should be better they escalated.

I went back and the communication got worse. I decided to focus more on school and try to make myself happy. Unfortunately, this was difficult. I spent most nights crying and worrying. Weeks would pass before we communicated. I still did not let this affect my university experience. I mingled and went out to parties. I had the time of my life. To me, I was determined to make myself happy, about to get married and didn’t bother with the rest. I still had hope and was excited and had no idea what was coming my way.
I felt the urge to scream and shout just to disturb the peace to make myself feel better. I did not know why but this random feeling used to strike me. Who knows? Maybe it was the stress of life, school, boyfriend troubles, work issues, lack of self-actualization. Who knows?

In my final year I realized that I could not live like this. I studied harder and zoned out from everyone. I did much better also. This was my comfort – getting my degree and doing well. After I completed I came back home. It was then I made my decision to let go. We broke up. Then I thought to myself “everything happens for a reason, God is telling me something.”This was my first time being single for eight (8) years. Yes! Eight years! It was a new me, new adjustments. We had several altercations afterwards. I was still aggressive and didn’t bother with others.

I partied even harder. My friend had just gotten off a bad relationship so we partied together for six months. We were living the life, drinking, going on date’setcetera because we were single, free and disengaged.

In the beginning of 2013 I found a new friend whom I spoke to regularly and we grew closer. We spoke about so many things. We went on dates, laughed, smiled and although I wasn’t ready for a new man in my life we decided to start dating. It was good but we had our ups and downs because I still had trust issues. One day I felt like writing about my pain and I started blogging. I felt the need to share and help others to remain positive. I created a positive lifestyle blog in December.
Fast-forward 2014, my year started off bad. I kept reflecting on my past and what I have been through. It hurt a lot. Some stuff I regretted and I’m still trying to let go. I started to get all sicknesses, headache, gastritis, stomach pains coupled with work and financial stress. We had not gotten paid for three months. I had student loan payments due and insurance due and I still had to find my way to work. Even though my current boyfriend helped me I still worried about it. I hated being in such situation. A friend of mine told me to pray. I stayed home two days and prayed to God. I cried, I prayed. I even asked for space from my current boyfriend. I knew that no one could make me whole again but God. I eventually learned to deal with the stress at work. I still struggled financially but I was better. It started to dawn on me how I may have lost my way.

I was reflecting on my life and thinking that there is a void.I realized that I hadn’t been to church in a while. I was losing touch on what was important. I always had excuses: either I don’t have clothes or I was too tired or not in the mood. One day in May something clicked me. It’s like God spoke to me and told me I needed to change. I went to service and reflected on the preaching. This was the day I decided to change.
I found myself when I admitted I needed God. I was anxious to purchase a bible and start reading the word of God. I made the sacrifice and bought one. I asked questions and read everything on Christianity. As time progressed I felt less urge to engage in sin and ungodly things. I repented my sins and prayed more. I could feel a change. I longed for God’s word and to praise Him daily. I found a place of worship and will make it my priority always to give Him thanks and praise. God has saved me and I will soon be baptized. I no longer question things but let Him guide me. By His faith I shall live and I will spread the word.So far he has been blessing me. Everything is starting to work out for me. I found myself. Thank God! It is never too late to find yourself.

Written by
Bryn Elle
(Fellow Writer Friend of mine.please Enjoy and be motivated.)
You can check out her blog at http://www.brynelle.com

To thine self be true

Sits there and doubts these hands, whisking the brush against the bare table, not risking dipping its tip into the paint and creating something, something beautiful.

Looks sadly into the horizon, not letting the spur of inspiration sting him as before,

He’s given up on it, given up on the thing which made him smile, stir his spirits and make him lose track of time,

He sits there, chose to trod the ordinary beaten track, took an easy journey to life,

He becomes regular,

The demand weren’t always there, but his smile was evident, laughter were bells heard in his dorm, and
He was happy.

He lacked discipline and allowed the voices to cause the gift to hide because they were sometimes harsh.

But nothing good comes easy, it is when we prove our oppressors wrong that we
Experience liberty,

Liberty in being our true selves!

Written by
Laurna Guiste

On that day..

On that day,when I held her hand, courage would encompass my heart for she is my inspiration,driving each and every part of

me to strive for distinction even when we are mile’s apart. I love you honey. Love is an amazing feeling. Its my love for you.

When She smiles at me,my heart flutters like a butterfly perched on the nectar of her love. On a day so cold and wet,

resting and swaying in peace and joy,

because I no longer have to worry of your love,

or the distance because in due time, I will fly over.

Written by
Vkey crust

Her Morning Routine

The bed acts like tar to her skin, hugs her tightly in its grip, she twists and turns not wanting to give up this rest an trade it for stewing fish over the burner, She lingers, and she now wants to dream, grabs her phone sees its 5.26 and smiles “I got three more minutes” she mumbles, Thanks God for yet another day, prays silently before she closes her pretty eyes again, the alarm sets off and she mumbles again and involuntarily gets off the bed.

Stares at her reflection, hair covering her forehead, eyes a little puffy yawns wide to startle her own refection back into being just glass. Stares back at her face and it sort of speaks to her of the mornings grace and glory, the sun spreading its ways though the window kissing her cheek, causing a radiance as the water baptizes her face, washes away the night mask, ahh she’s awaken.

Makes her way to the kitchen, fixes her morning coffee, ~best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup~, at the same time she slices, dices, sautes, pours, mixes while eating. As soon as the task is over she packs away her lunch neatly, neatly she packs it away.

Steps into the shower allowing the water to form its unique trails down her body, lathers all territories until thoroughly cleansed, steps out. Rushes to her room, pampers herself, gets dressed grabs her lunch and out the door she flies.
The transporting to town is one she really looks forward to admiring the different faces that steps into the bus, she wonders what are their full stories, some she makes up in her head, never seem to end it though as she gets lost in her own thoughts. Filled with prayers, goals and dreams, hopes and fears, to her, these prayers are made abrupt as the vehicle arrives town faster than she’d wish.
Making quick strides towards her place of work, he spots her, tall, confident, elegant, beautiful, their eyes meet and transits more words than they could ever utter, lingers a little longer than she anticipated, but the message conveyed was one that caused her to blush just a little and nervous as he said hello, smiles as she walks on, he never took his eyes off her.
She arrives at work with the biggest grin and loudest of greetings.

Written by
Laurna Guiste

My Adam(Wedding Vows)

My Adam

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I knew there was something different about the way you came into my life, subtly you let your light’s ray’s beam through the spaces I didn’t even know existed. I wasn’t expecting to fall, but then again this doesn’t even feel like falling, I stand firmly knowing that this isn’t fleeting because you took the time to know me, learn me, trust me, you touched a part of me no man has ever touched, so deep is what I am feeling, it is more than just a feeling, explain to me how does one feel from their soul? I understand you like you understand me and we share differences, but they don’t disturb me, I kind of like them, na I love them. I admire the uniqueness in which you pronounce my name, sort of melt when you whisper in my ear “babe.” Giggles I’m on cloud nine, don’t love you just because you are fine and sweet, but you’re intelligent got me hyped and I am learning and you are learning from me, so in each other’s life we become students playing even when it’s after 3(three).

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Holding conversations about life ,anything and everything, I’m not afraid to let my guard down ,or act a clown because you my audience and I won’t let you wear no frown, so we enjoy playing around, laughing till we don’t even know what we are laughing for to begin with. Don’t know how we came together to begin with but all I know is I want my life to end with you, baby I don’t know how you do what you do, but your kind of loving motivates me not only to love and treat you better, but to be a better person.

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You inspire me and your love revives a part of me that was dormant through formality, your fun personality awakens that side of me, together we are silly geniuses creating a world of love and blue skies, we hold hands and together we can change lives, aid in molding a generation that will seek God as much as we do. Baby I love you and I can’t begin to picture a life without you, you are my Adam, and you have bitten a piece of my heart, I don’t care because I gave it to you and today we show the world that we are ONE and will always be.

Written by
Laurna Guiste

Dream VS Lesson

Dream I had recently
I got the inspiration to write about a dream I had recently due to a blog a sister shared and I found them to be sort of similar, I guess it was a reminder and a need to share this message with you guys.
I dreamed I was getting married and on the wedding day the groom was nowhere to be seen, my family were busy into catering and I got really puzzled as to who he was. After much confusion I decided I was going to call off the wedding, but I was too ashamed/embarrassed to inform my family since they already had prepared everything.

confused bride

In my pursuit of locating the groom at the church I saw my ex sitting at the front row, I rushed up to him and hoped he was the groom, getting closer to him I realized he was dressed shabbily but had his usual big smile on his face, we greeted each other and I sat next to him and I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t my groom. The entire church was waiting and I didn’t know who my husband was.
I was persuaded there was no wedding and had to end this charade, as I was about to make the announcement the setting changed to the reception area, and here comes the groom through the doors surrounded by people, he was smiling and waving everyone and guess what ..he was a Muslim.

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He wasn’t what I was expected but he was drop dead gorgeous, I remember thinking that our religion/beliefs were different but he was good looking and that was enough for me. I quickly jumped on his arm and headed at the back of the church. When it was time to walk down the aisle I rushed up to my brother who was the dj and asked him to play my wedding song by Johnny Gill he couldn’t find it on the computer got pissed as I realized I never saved it in my playlist. So I told him to play anything , minutes later we were walking down the aisle dancing to this loud obnoxious, out of place soca music and the weird thing is we were all dancing and moving to it. Lolz
MORALE OF THE DREAM
As I survey this dream I realize that I got married for the wrong reason, I fell for this guy’s looks without any regard to his background, beliefs, goals, morals or anything deep or permanent rooted in the core of his being. All I saw was the outside, I became infatuated, lusted and was stirred by mare feelings instead of pondering the life changing decision I was making. Marriage as we know should be forever, and love is not mare looks, it is patient, kind and comes with forming a deep connection, it is acceptance of that persons good and bad, cherishing and caring for them beyond your soul regardless of how they look or what they have done.

I guess this dream proves how shallow we women and men can sometimes be when it comes to choosing a mate for life, I bet looks is on top of that list. Also, love shouldn’t be rushed, or confusing, in the dream I didn’t even know the man I was going to get married to, I was disorganized and seemed lost.

Marriage should be planned, organized and you both should be on the same level, romantically, spiritually, socially, overall you should want the same things, you should take time to know each other and decide if you can handle this for life. Notice I said looks and not attraction, I support that you be attracted to your mate 100% and have of course chemistry, what I am referring to here is beauty and charm, appealing body types, love is more than the physical and it is kept by nothing else than a strong foundation which is God.

Written by
Laurna Guiste

Strength made perfect in Weakness

It’s hard to be the best when everyone tells you, you’re not, it becomes difficult to speak up when you got a stutter. It is painful to run in the race with a bad leg, hard to see the horizon, the silver lining when you got a blurred vision or poor eye sight. Fact is we all suffer from imperfections, we all got problems, we want to please man but we often fall short and they fail us as well. We live in a world full of darkness and everyone seems to want their own light and not so happy when your beam is brighter. It is unfair the situations that we sometimes face, the deaths, heartaches, dismissals and rejections, we feel unable to rise because of our weakness. It becomes a stumbling block to our success and an excuse which prevents us from pressing forward.

It causes us to doubt our ability to perform better, discourages us to keep fighting makes us want to quit, throw in the towel and put up our white flags. We often give into our fears because of our shortcomings; we doubt ourselves and question even God’s ability to use us. It is when I am faced with this challenge I am reminded of Moses when God was about to use him to deliver the people of Egypt that he said he couldn’t speak because he had a speech impediment/a stutter, God told Him He was the one who created the dumb, blind etc. so He knew about his stutter and still found him worthy of leading. So even if you have a weakness/shortcoming God still wants to use you.You are valuable, precious, special and God created you just the way you are, unique!

We may desire to be rid of that burden, but it is in our imperfections we often cry out to God and heavily depend on His grace. 2nd Corinthians 12:7-9 “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surprisingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

We are given tests to prove our character and to help us become better persons, we are given weaknesses so that we continually thrust ourselves at the feet of God and trust Him to help us, and we see clearly we are nothing without Him. We shouldn’t belittle ourselves nor drown in guilt when faced with our weakness instead we should continue to trust God that He still loves us, knows us and is able to use us in spite of our impediments.

It is when we persevere when the odds are against us that we really leave our mark,our actions are heartfelt,we make a difference and God is pleased because we desired His will above ours.

Written by
Laurna Guiste